Finality

I walked through my doctor's door for the last time today. I needed one last follow-up ultrasound to make sure everything was OK-- which it was-- ovaries all clear of cysts. I then met with the nurse for the last time-- Lisa was with me through my whole year of hell. I knew I was likely to get emotional when I saw her, which of course I did. For one last time the doctor's office witnessed my tears. We talked about why I was crying and much of it had to do with the finality of the visit, of letting go of what I hoped and wanted. I so desperately wanted to have an experience resulting in joy and happiness, instead my experience resulted in pain and anguish. It doesn't help that every other week it seems I find out some one else I know is pregnant and no matter how happy I am for them, it still hurts. It still is a slap in the face, still a reminder of something that'll never happen for me. Lisa did tell me something I needed to hear, she said "You have such amazing strength, you took every punch that came your way and didn't falter. I know that something good is waiting for you around the corner, I can feel it." God, I hope she's right.