A Leap of Faith

We have come a long way in a week. After a very confusing email from the birth mom and our knee jerk reaction to protecting ourselves and our future family, George and I have decided to take a leap of faith. We aren't typically leap of faith people, then again we haven't necessarily been faced with situations that require an honest to god leap of faith.

I have tried hard to put myself in Kate's shoes, imagining that seeing with my own eyes where my baby is going to grow up, where she or he will attend elementary school, seeing what her/his home is like, how many kids are in the neighborhood, etc., that seeing all these things in person would provide me with a certain measure of comfort. Further, how important seeing these things would be to me. So, in the end, after conversations with our adoption advocate and Kate's adoption advocate, we've decided to take a leap of faith, something that isn't easy for us. Yes, our worst fear is still having her show up on our doorstep unannounced and inviting herself into our family life, but we need to trust her. We need to trust she is not going to want to disrupt her child's life, that she is going to want only the best for her or him-- and in the end we do. Sometime in the near future Kate will be coming to visit us.

Some might wonder if we are compromising what is important to us in order to get a baby-- and I have asked myself that same question during this past week. The answer is a resounding "No". I know what desperation feels like, I know what it feels like to think I would do anything to have a baby, those feelings were all too familiar and common during my infertility treatments. Not once did even a hint of desperation creep into me last week. This isn't about our desire to have a family this is about trust. Trusting a person we do not yet know very well, trusting a person who for reasons we still do not completely understand, chose us to place her child with-- if that doesn't require us to take a leap of faith, I don't know what does.

Soon, George and I will meet Kate in person. Soon, Kate will be able to see the house her child will come home to, she will be able to see the nursery we are creating, she will meet the dogs her child will grow up with, she will see the elementary school her child will go to and the children her child will play with and I do hope these things provide her with some measure of comfort as we move forward together on this journey.